this talk: is about the relationship between disordered eating habits and anxiety - with Alexia Degremont
It was only when I was at University that I got confronted with my mental health. Before that, life was “easy”. It didn’t take a lot out of me to get high grades, to socialise or to dive into my hobbies. At University, the fears of real life, knowing who to become and what to do took over. Anxiety started to creep in.
At the same time, and maybe in order to avoid the big questions, the quest to being thin governed my days, which quickly turned into an obsession and disordered eating habits. I started going to the gym, weighing my food, and making only “healthy” recipes. I spent my time reading about what diet is healthiest, what foods are most nutritious and how to be lean. All of my thoughts were about food, body image and fitness. I vividly remember thinking about a croissant for two straight days; “am I going to gain weight if I have one”, “is it worth it”, “it won’t make any difference, just have it and move on”, “but I have been so good this week”. So much brain space and joy going to waste for a croissant!
My anxiety only grew bigger and I started having panic attacks. There were moments of restless breathing, struggling to get air into my lungs, hyperventilating and feeling dizzy, which always ended with me crying my eyes out for no apparent reason.
What has helped me the most is yoga and professional help. I started counselling at Uni and practiced yoga for a year before pursuing my yoga teacher training. Sitting with my thoughts and feelings, as well as learning how to listen to myself rather than any outer sources, brought me back to me - that happy little girl who loves chocolate more than anything.
And while I still have no clue where exactly life will take me, I have started to be more at ease with the feeling of uncertainty. I completed a Nutrition MSc and trained as a Personal Trainer. My mission now is to re-assure and empower people when it comes to their health; everything is possible – but mental health precedes any physical goals!
One thing I learnt since that time is that no matter how far you come with your mental health, no matter how good you feel, you have to keep practicing. You have to keep tuning in. Now, I am actually grateful for the hardest times in my life because they have taught me to live consciously, to feel emotions deeply and to show gratitude every single day. While I feel like this time has “woken me up”, I realised that waking up is not enough to stay awake. Every day, I need to work on not falling back asleep.