this talk: is about making the most of living with incurable cancer - with Laura Henrietta
Being diagnosed with a Primary Cancer aged 25 is one thing, it is an extremely tough ride but you are on a road which has light at the end of the tunnel where life can pretty much return to normal once treatment is finished. But on a hugely different level, being diagnosed with an incurable cancer aged 28 comes with heaps more complications to life, as unfortunately there is no light at the end guiding your way.
You have to learn things about yourself you never knew, and fast, because time is not on you side. I was diagnosed with incurable breast cancer in October 2016 after having a painful shoulder for several months. Unfortunately, this was found to be a spread from my previous Breast Cancer which had now moved to the bones. At the time of this diagnosis I was told I would no longer be able to have a family, something I had always dreamed of and I would now be on medication for life, not to cure my illness but to treat it, prolonging my life for a while but knowing this may not last long.
I was never an anxious person before cancer but after this I became constantly worried about the future, about leaving the world I enjoyed behind and about not being able to fulfil what I wanted to do in life. Watching others around me get on with life was the most painful bit. They seemed like they had everything I wanted to have. Yet instead, I had to give up a career I loved and worked so hard to get, I lost the ability to be a mother and I had to accept my future may not be very long. It has taken me most of the last few years to accept my life has basically been put on hold, whilst the lives of others around me carry on as normal.
Fast forward 3 years and I am amazed to still be here and my first line treatment is still working, something I was not expecting at all. I have learnt to live by a quote I came up with early on in my primary cancer - 'Don't Worry About Things You Can't Change'. This has basically saved me from sinking in to a dark hole on many occasions. It is true, if we worry about things we have no control over we can work ourselves up so much so we forget to just live and enjoy what life we have.
I have done more in the past 3 years than most people do in their whole life. As soon as I was diagnosed with my secondaries I set up a living list. I didn't like the name bucket list, as this implies I would not be here in a few years, but a living list can be had by anyone. It was a chance for me to write down all my wishes and dreams, giving me a focus and something to work towards and look forward to. With help from friends and family I have completed many of the tasks from my list, from travelling to places I have wanted to go to, getting a puppy and marrying my man of 10 years. Each thing has been special and allowed me to make amazing memories with those I love around me but also has given me a sense of purpose. I also talk about my cancer, lots. Whether that is with others face-to-face or on Instagram. I use it as my coping mechanism and find it therapeutic to actually discuss my diagnosis. It has helped me find a huge amount of support online with others of the same age and situation to be able to talk about all the issues surrounding being a young adult with cancer.
Whilst I may come across to many as someone who is quite positive considering the situation I am in, I make sure I show the realities of it all, especially when having a down day. I have learnt to allow myself these as we cannot be positive all of the time and even the strongest of us can break from time to time over a situation we have no control over. It is important to remember we would never have chosen this path to go on and it is scary not knowing what lies ahead. The important thing is to take each day, or even each hour, as it comes. To celebrate the highs in life but also acknowledge and be thankful of the lows, and hopefully along this crazy journey you will find some sort of middle ground you can cope with and be proud of.