this talk: is about loneliness - with Sasha Treharne
This year’s theme of Mental Health Awareness Week is loneliness, which is a common feeling for many that are experiencing mental illness. Loneliness describes a “distressing feeling that accompanies the perception that one's social needs are not being met by the quantity or especially the quality of one's social relationships”. As a species, humans strive for strong social interactions and relationships, with support often being fundamental in people’s abilities to navigate life.
When I was struggling with anxiety and depression, despite being surrounded by amazing friends and family, I had never felt more alone. My ability to sustain relationships, social interactions and going out, whilst navigating life, university and mental illness, resulted in me pulling away from people. Despite knowing that I needed people and distractions to get me through a dark time, I just couldn’t keep up with maintaining relationships.
The stigma associated with mental illness, particularly severe mental illness, leaves many feeling misunderstood, judged and isolated. On the surface, my life seemed enjoyable, fulfilling and joyful. But, despite the light moments, the darkness would overwhelm me and feelings of loneliness would take over. I often see people having to justify their mental illness, facing questions like “why would you be depressed, or lonely? Your life is great”. But, when in the depths of mental illness, you develop the ability to put on a smile, hide your true feelings, and function through life leaving others not knowing what you are going through. I did this and I know many others who have done this too. In my deepest, darkest moments, when contemplating life, from an outside perspective looking in I was still a fully functioning person, who appeared to have their life together. I was doing well at university, I was getting up every day to get through my tasks and work, I was travelling and hanging out with friends, my boyfriend and my family. The pictures below are representative of that period of time. You can see the smile on my face, you can see the happiness, you can see me surrounded by people. But, deep down I have never been unhappier or more lonely.
I got through those years, finished Uni and started working in a job that I enjoyed. Then Covid hit. I think it’s safe to say that the last two years, over the pandemic, left lots of people feeling isolated and lonely. We had to change out human instincts and drives for interaction, support and seeing our loved ones, leaving many confused, scared and lonely. Loneliness affects people of all ages. We often associate it with the elderly, but in truth it affects all generations. Children who would normally see their friends at school were forced to stay at home. Adults, who often rely on support from work colleagues, friends and family were unable to see help from their closest network. University students missed out on the ‘classic’ uni experiences, resorting to online learning, postponed graduations and missed friendships. The crisis charity Samaritans reported that nearly a third of all their callers during the pandemic mentioned these feelings.
It wasn’t until I started opening up about my mental illnesses that I realised I wasn’t alone. We’ve all heard it before… that talking can help. But I also understand how hard this can be. I started therapy about 5 years too late, out of fear of having to talk about my trauma. But it wasn’t until I processed my experiences that I could truly recognise that I wasn’t alone.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your friends and family about what you are going through, then please reach out to a support service or look for an online community that you can relate to and feel comfortable talking to. Despite how it feels now, you can get through your darkest times. There are people surrounding you that can help carry the load. By leaning on others, it can take a weight off your shoulders, just by allowing others to recognise and understand what you are going through.