this talk: is about post-graduate depression - with Beverly Coleman
We are taught to think and believe that after graduation, adulthood will be manageable because of our degree. What our professors and universities fail to properly inform us about is adulthood reality and the possible decline of your mental health after graduation. I had just graduated with my Master of Science in Applied Psychology. I was named Outstanding Graduate Student for Psychological Sciences, working on launching my new business, and had a thriving online presence as a content creator. I felt unstoppable…until my mental health came crashing down on me.
After graduation, my life changed completely. I was not ready at all. I decided not to immediately go into the psychology field because I wanted to pursue entrepreneurship. Unfortunately, my brand did not launch as fast as I hoped it would. I also decided to no longer work with natural hair collaborative brands because I wanted to expand myself as a content creator. I knew I would lose out on money, but I had not idea how broke it would leave me. For a while, I received no brand deals which meant no income. I moved in with my brother to save for my own apartment, so I did not have my own space. My car broke down on me. My long-term relationship ended. I moved back to Dallas, so I was far from all of my friends. I was no longer a student, so I was very lost on what my “identity” was at that point. I went from being a full time to student to full time adult in a matter of a month. I was beginning to question if I made the right decisions for myself. I was broke, sad, lost, and struggling to adapt. Not even a month after graduation, I fell into post graduate depression.
Honestly, everything during that time was a complete blur. Summer of 2019 felt like one very long day for me. Most people do not realise that depressive episodes can lead to memory loss. I was so tuned out from everything and the world that there were time periods I legitimately cannot recall. At times, I would spend two to three hours staring at a wall. No thoughts. No emotions. No purpose. Just staring. It is almost as if my physical body was present, but my mind was completely shut out. Once I would snap out of the trance, I would realise how much time had passed and felt automatically guilty. The guilt stemmed from knowing I needed to be productive, but I just spent so much time doing absolutely nothing. That guilt would then turn into loss of motivation and hopelessness. Eventually, those feelings would lead to loss of appetite and sleep. My depressive symptoms were an ongoing cycle that I battled every single day. One always led to another to the point where I was completely closed off. I stopped caring about a lot of things I once loved. I was not creating content like I once did - my videos and work were extremely mediocre. I was scared my brand would never launch and that I would not be successful. I had several breakdowns full of uncontrollable crying. The shocking part is that most people couldn’t tell I was depressed. I did not show it online, so my audience was very unaware. I was even unaware for a while. I was not happy and felt like a failure.
Defeating my depression took an extreme amount of conscious and purposeful effort and work. I started off beginning by doing the small things that made me immediately happy: face masks, listening to music, dancing, makeup, and reading. I noticed these small gratifications would give me the energy to complete bigger tasks I needed to do. Practicing Mindfulness was a game changer. Meditation changed my life forever. It gave me the space to explore my negative thoughts and emotions without them overcrowding me. I made more effort to start leaving the house, spend a few days out of town, and seeing my friends and family. I began to journal, keeping track of my goals and wants. I practiced positive self-talk every single day. Slowly, but surely, I began to see my old self re-appear. I was creating content again, more hopeful for my brand launch, being attentive and aware of myself, smiling, laughing and being happy. It took months of work to be okay again. My mental health and life are completely different now due to how hard I fought back.
Post graduate depression is a topic that universities need to seriously consider teaching students about. Even as a psychology major, I was not warned enough of this possibility. There is struggling after school that we should be made aware of. A degree does not equal a perfect life. Depression is common; however, anyone can defeat it. It is nowhere near easy, but it can be done. I believe in everyone. I hope when people see someone like me who battled with this depression and defeated it gives them the motivation to fight back. No one is exempt from the struggles of life, not even me. Please be aware. Always do your best to put your mental health first and keep it sane. Always fight back.