this talk: is about how CBT helped rationalise feelings toward living without a bowel - with Katie May Chesworth
Hello! I’m Katie May and I don’t have a bowel any more! Yep, they took my second brain away after it became too damaged from Ulcerative Colitis.
I was 16 when I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. As it was a bowel disease, I struggled so much talking about it because who wants to talk about poo? (Well, now I probably talk about it too much). But at 16, trying to convey what I was going through was hard, especially because it was a bit embarrassing to talk about.
I’m what you’d call a naturally anxious person. It didn’t help that the main treatment I was put on for my Colitis was steroids where a side effect is depression and anxiety. I’d often have panic attacks about being in confined spaces, not being able to get to the toilet and essentially was happiest and most comfortable in my own home with my own toilet.
I’m definitely in the lucky camp because my mum was sounderstanding and would help me a lot. I also had some best friends who struggled with anxiety and we were all very open about our mental health. Knowing that what I was feeling was anxiety definitely helped me.
When I plucked up the courage to tell my doctors about my anxiety, I was given some Diazepam to treat the ‘side effects of the medication’. Like I said, I’m naturally anxious, especially about medication. I ended up being too anxious to take the anxiety medication.
I went through the next 2 years struggling through A Levels and my first year of Uni whilst trying to get my Colitis under control. As well as the anxiety, I struggled with depression at times as I was meant to be living my best life and it felt anything but that.
Eventually, I was so ill I ended up in hospital being told my bowel was being removed the next morning. When you have your bowel removed, you have a stoma created and you poo into a bag. There are specialist nurses called Stoma Nurses and I was so lucky to have the kindest stoma nurses who sat with me the whole day and helped me through it. It was a whirlwind 24 hours where we only really spoke about the practicalities. I was just relieved I wasn’t going to be in pain any more.
5 days after my surgery, in hospital and crying watching Judge Rinder because I was meant to be taking my contract law exam that day, I had an unexpected phone call from my GP. She didn’t know I was in hospital but had known I was really ill as I’d been into the practice a few weeks prior. She was checking in and when I said what had happened, I had an appointment made for the day after I came home from hospital. I spent a good half hour in her office talking about how I was feeling. Straight away, I was referred for CBT and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
It’s been 5 years since I did that round of CBT and the lessons I learnt in those 12 weeks are things I still use today. Being able to talk in a safe space where there was someone to help me make sense of all of my thoughts was brilliant. I learnt to talk so openly about my mental and physical health. I also learnt how to rationalise my thoughts. Being able to talk about my physical health helped me learn to talk about my mental health.
I can honestly say I doubt I would have gone for CBT if it hadn’t been for my physical health. It made me realise my mental health is just as important - even if the majority of the time my doctors are concerned with only the former and forget about the latter!
Okay, so my main tip, if you hadn’t guessed, is TALK. Talk about your mental health. That might be to your friends and family, your doctor or a therapist. The great thing about the NHS is that there is counselling available for free. There are waiting lists, but it is an option. My second tip is to start a journal. I write down how I’m feeling and explore WHY and then turn the negative thoughts into positive affirmations. It’s helped me so much and now I take more control over my thoughts.