this talk: is about overcoming toxic size standards to become a curve model - with Sophie Colley
My name is Sophie, 21 years old, curve model and bartender. And like so many other woman, I’ve been taught to hate my body.
One of my earliest memories is about a friend laughing at my thighs jiggling when I ran. This was a turning point in my life, from then on I would be ever aware of my body and that space it occupied. The day I realised I was ‘fat’ and that ‘fat’ was not a good word.
Myself and many others have faced enough criticism, shame, humiliation and hyper-sexualisation to last a multitude of lifetimes. There is a war on plus size women, a slow and silent war of the mind. A bombardment of misinformation and straight-size propaganda from the media. One can only imagine the effect it has on a person, unless of course you are stood in the crossfire.
Unless you had known me all your life, you would never look at the woman I am now and imagine the place where I had dragged myself out from. Today I am the woman who dresses to show her curves, shows skin, wears bright colours, goes dancing, eats what they want and in front of other people! Things we take for granted, deem as ‘normal’. Yet for someone who has such a twisted view of their body and how others perceive them, they are far from it.
I will never forget the feeling of going to bed hungry. And viewing it as a victory when it was actually defeat.
I will never know the memories of all the things I said no to. And I will regret it forever.
Photographer: Keana Korn
It was no walk in the park building myself back up from rock bottom. My mental health was at its lowest. My mind had grown tired from continued comments on my weight, mockery of my body and ingesting toxic media on sites like Instagram and Tumblr dedicated to glorifying weight loss and romanticising the act of losing weight and skipping meals, being broken. I was broken. But it didn’t feel beautiful. It felt like my whole world was being sucked from me.
The path to recovery was and still is peppered with anxiety, self-harm, countless tears, fad-diets… the list goes on. Yet somehow I made it here, not without a few scars though. I never sought professional help because I never wanted to admit what I was doing to myself was wrong. I wanted to be my own hero. A mistake I wish I could stop my younger self from making.
You are never alone. You are allowed to ask for help. Help does not make you less of a person.
So here I am, the new me. I mean, I’m the same me, I just have a new found respect and love for myself and my body. Nevertheless, I still feel the piercing gaze of people looking at my thighs and I sill get nervous wearing tank tops that show my arms but the difference is now I don’t let it dictate my life like it did before. I now know my size does not dictate my worth.
I have wonderful and supportive friends. A loving partner. I found what I thought for so long was unattainable. I found that love cares not for size of your clothes but for the size of your heart.
I have also found great comfort, belonging and passion in building a space for myself online to share my style and share my belief in body positivity and size inclusivity. I aspire to be the girl in adverts and magazines that I never got to see. I want to be the one who tells you that you can wear that outfit! You can do what everybody else does without guilt. You matter!
Photographer: Monika Kozub
My advice would be to surround yourself with the people, culture and media that accept and include you for who you are. Know that your worth does not change with the coming and goings of popular culture, fashion trends and body sizes. Find your style, wear what makes you feel sexy, confident, damn-right gorgeous and own it. Your confidence will be your best accessory and it will shine through you like the sun on a clear summers day and everybody will be in awe of your inner beauty.
Looks are fleeting but in the end the world will remember your kindness, your warmth, your love.
You can find Sophie on:
Instagram