this talk: is about the mental decline following spinal fusion surgery - with Charlotte Dodd
Most people haven’t heard of the condition Scoliosis and unfortunately for those that have, a lot of people have the perception that Scoliosis is “just” a curve in the spine. For me, I was diagnosed with scoliosis at the age of 12 and had spinal fusion surgery at the age of 14. Before the surgery, I was a confident pre-teen determined to take on the world, I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me but that all changed post spinal fusion. I hope by sharing my story, I can campaign for mental health support to be available for those on their scoliosis journey.
Recovery was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through – relearning how to walk, watching my friends do the things that I could no longer do, missing out on school/social events and that’s only the start of it. I think the hardest part for me was adjusting to my new appearance and the great big scar down my spine. Everyone told me to be grateful, it’s just a scar and that I was fixed. Physically I might have been fixed but my mental health started to take a gradual decline.
I remember to this day, how vivid the anxiety was that I was feeling. Too afraid to go to school, leave the house, go into crowded shops etc. The first time I ever had a panic attack was in the middle of town when my mum wanted to go into Tesco, the sense of dread was overwhelming. I took myself off to my GP who instantly put it down to my hormones. No one seemed to take into account the huge trauma I had gone through. So I ignored it and tried to carry on as normal as I could. I finished school, got a job and eventually went on to gain a NVQ. I still suffered with horrendous anxiety and panic attacks but felt so alone, no one seemed to talk about mental health. I had low self-esteem, let people treat me like rubbish because I genuinely felt like that was all I was worth. It got so bad when I was 22 I was blue lighted to A&E with what I honestly thought was a heart attack – it was the worst panic attack I had ever had in my life. I’d had a huge upheaval moving to Northern Ireland away from my friends and family. I had 12 weeks worth of CBT. I am so glad I did because it completely changed my perception on life. However, I still wasn’t ready to open up to my family and friends about what I had been going through all these years. The only person that knew was my husband. Within time, I opened up to my parents and my best friend. This helped me a lot, but I did still feel really ashamed.
That all changed though when I started working for a charity in 2019 that focuses on wellbeing. I was amazed to see how many individuals had gone through/were going through similar things to what I had. That’s when my Scoliosis support group was born. With the help of my fantastic boss and colleagues I started to set up my support group. In March, before the lockdown, I had the first meet up. It was overwhelming to meet people who felt just like me. Who were me. Who understood. All these years I hadn’t actually been on my own! During lockdown, I was so scared of becoming super anxious again, so I have slowly but surely opened up to friends and family. I’ve expanded my support group online via Zoom, and so many more people have felt the same. It’s fantastic the support network we have created together. I don’t think I ever really accepted my scoliosis and what I had gone through until now, but I truly feel myself now after all these years of pretending. I’m still not happy with my physical appearance, but after meeting others like me, I really do feel like there’s light at the end of the tunnel with that.
Please, just talk! You’re not alone. Do not suffer in silence, let your friends and family know how you’re feeling. Connect with the ones that you love don’t push them away the same way I did. Never forget how truly amazing you are. Let’s break the stigma together surrounding mental health.
You can find Charlotte and more information about Scoliosis on:
Instagram