this talk: is about the journey to a healthy mind - with Kheriann Wiggins
Do people really see me? Do people really understand the real me? Do people understand the struggle towards a healthy mind?
These are the questions that ran through my head during my eventful second year of University. I was juggling a lot during this year. At the time I was the African Caribbean Societies, Event Manager. Alongside this, I was building a strong foundation for my company Dear Girls LTD, whilst trying to still have a personal life and oh yeah… study psychology; without failing assignments. To add to this, the relationships closest to me were in conflict, causing me to be anxious and critical of myself.
I was sinking and fast.
During this same year I co-owned a catering business. The opportunity arose to cater for a BBQ in Coventry. I took it at a time when my business partner and I desperately needed the money. However, I invested my £500 savings into buying the equipment and ingredients needed for the event. This investment was based on the agreement that I would be reimbursed through food sales.
From the beginning this was a bad idea. My business partner was less able to be involved due to her exams being close to the event date, therefore leaving me to do most of the planning. This caused me an extreme level of stress, but as a ‘strong’ woman, I kept going, despite how low I started to feel.
On the day of the event I woke up at 5am to start cooking, as 6pm approached I started to make my way to the venue. After setting up and serving for only 20 minutes, I saw a large group of people running towards me. I didn’t think, I just moved. As I ran for my life I heard a gun shot (not exactly sure if it was my imagination). My heart raced and my body went numb. I realised that the event had been raided. At this point It did not occur to me that I had lost the £500 and the potential profit that was needed for my rent.
I was finished. Mentally and physically.
I tried to speak to the event organiser, but this was a dead end as he made a loss too. Anxiety overtook my whole body. However, outwardly I was still ‘strong’. I was still holding it together, but inside I was weeping bitterly. I had to let go of my investment money and accept that I had a problem that was not going to go away, unless I work to pay off the debt.Thankfully I was able to find the money to pay off my rent in instalments.
The journey to a healthy mind can seem endless. It can seem like you have to give so much of yourself to gain, just a snapshot of peace. The truth is you do. You need to be in a place of true positivity. A place where you are allowed to feel the happiness you deserve. I always knew this and I know you know this too, but knowing and applying information are two different things.
I first had to accept where I was currently, and let go of the things I could not change. This meant letting go of friends, positions, situations and becoming bare. This is when I started to uncover the real me, and the foundations I laid for my business started to become relevant. I now understand that my pain enabled me to become strong, but why? To empower others and in turn empower myself.
Letting the minute particles of my old self go, allowed the new particles to form into a new atom. A content one. The times my mind felt dark and low, were the moments I needed to rejuvenate. I was a seed buried in nutritious soil, without the knowledge to realise this. At times we feel that being buried means that it’s over, but I encourage you to shift your perspective. It means you need to take a timeout to rejuvenate and reflect in the darkness. In the times where you can close your eyes and think, without the bright lights of your busy life.
Remember this journey to a healthy mind is trying, but you can do anything using the pain to shape you, not break you.