this talk: is about stigma and turning mental illness into a positive - with Flo Sharman
My journey with mental illness started when I was just 8 years old and it came completely out of the blue. I was a happy go lucky 8-year-old girl who lived a very happy life and had a very privileged childhood, this just shows mental health can happen to anyone and at any time.
The night my life changed forever and my mental health was never the same again is one I will never forget. I went to bed one evening just like normal but woke up in the middle of the night blind, hallucinating, paralysed, my lip had dropped so I couldn’t talk, a horrendous headache and retching. I was rushed into hospital with what they thought at the time was a bleed on the brain or brain infection but nothing was found. I stayed in overnight and was discharged the next morning as if nothing had happened but that wasn’t the case at all. My life had changed in a flash I went from being a happy go lucky eight year old who had everything to look forward to in life to a little girl in a mental breakdown who became completely housebound, terrified of absolutely everything, not wanting to live thinking everyone was better off without me and excluded from my primary school due to them being so ashamed about having a pupil with mental illness at their school and they felt my depression and panic attacks were scaring the other children.
At the age of just eight years old I had been given 4 mental health labels PTSD, Depression, OCD and Panic Attacks. At the time I found this extremely difficult and if I’m being honest I didn’t accept that I had these mental health conditions until I was about 16 and that’s due to me being so ashamed and embarrassed about having mental illnesses due to stigma that surrounds it. Mental illness needs to be treated exactly the same as physical illness; it's no different. So not only was I in a mental health crisis at such a young age but I also lost my childhood due to my mental illness. I was completely controlled by my mental illnesses for around 6 years and was nearly sectioned at a tier-4 clinic at the age of 9 but my incredible mother fought for this not to happen as she knew it wasn’t the right place for me and I’m forever grateful for that as I truly believe if I had gone in I would have never left.
I’m sure many of you are wondering how I’ve turned my life around and gone from a young girl who was nearly sectioned at the highest level to a 21-year-old young lady who works in Marketing, proud public speaker, mental health campaigner, MQ ambassador, lives a life I love and not controlled by my mental health. What was the turning point, the magic medication or wonder therapy? Well for me the real turning point was when I stopped pointing pressure on myself to get ‘so called better’ and I now know I will have my mental illnesses for life and will always be in some sort of recovery period. But the difference now, from 12 years ago, is that I’m not ashamed to be a mental sufferer and I’m now not controlled by my mind. There was no magic medication for me. Yes, I did have medication and guess what I’m still on it till this day and the truth is I don’t know what I would be like without it. But taking medication for your mental health is no different to taking medication for your physical health - the taboo has to go. Yes, I did have therapy and CBT more times than I can count. It didn’t work for me, but for others it works wonders. This is why it’s so important we’re treated as individuals. One therapy type doesn’t work for all.
The key things that helped me to get to where I am today and I now know will continue to be my saviours on my lifelong mental health journey are fitness, the great outdoors, my animals and the power of talking and opening up. Without those four things I can truly say I wouldn’t be here today.
I’m not saying my life now is super rosy and I find days really easy and a complete breeze because that’s not the case at all. I still struggle and battle demons on a daily basis but I now don’t let them control my life. I’m not ashamed to be a mental health sufferer and most importantly I have my coping mechanism toolbox.
I will always have PTSD, OCD, Panic Attacks and Depression but when I hit 18 I finally realised that they don’t define who I am. They’re just one small part of the jigsaw that makes me ME and I’m in fact now beyond proud of who I’ve become and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t been through everything this world has thrown my way. If I can turn a mental breakdown into a positive, then I know I have the strength to get through anything. I know I will have dark times ahead but I now know the beauty of those dark times because they make great times greater.
My message to you all is always be your true self, never change for anyone, never be ashamed of your mental health and remember seeking help isn’t failure or weakness it’s the complete opposite- it’s true bravery. Don’t be ashamed of your story, it will inspire others.
BE YOU, DO YOU, FOR YOU
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