this talk: is about staying balanced whilst feeling like you’re ‘not doing enough’ - with Adria Kain
Focusing inward has become a clear theme as of current. I think throughout the years, since I’ve become aware of my mental health and the importance of maintaining it, whenever I stop to think about what I need in order to stay balanced, it starts with me asking myself questions surrounding my own personal interests and goals. What do I like and don’t like? How can I change the way certain actions or circumstances make me feel? In spending more time with myself and paying close attention to the moments when my mood starts to lower I’ve learned that I am very intuitive and super empathetic, so those two things combined often leave me feeling this weight of “not doing enough” and that’s usually what leads me into a dark mental space. I can try my hardest in those moments to write out how I’m feeling, or process my thoughts, but my logical brain often doesn’t equate that to physically finding any solution to the problem.
I think for me what has helped a lot, especially over the last year and a half, has been giving myself genuine time and breathing room to understand the importance of personal growth. It is inevitable that growth takes time, an ample amount of patience and a certain amount of maintenance that differentiates with each level we reach. So regardless of how helpless or unproductive I feel towards any situation, I can only manage to show up at a capacity that matches the level of growth I’ve gotten to, and that is something to acknowledge more often and be okay with.
I’ve also recently developed a deeper connection with nature. It’s always been something I felt connected to, but in better understanding the importance of my own personal growth, its opened my eyes to how nature moves and grows at its own pace and in its own time. I find myself running to open fields or forests pretty much any time I feel blocked now, because everything there gives space for everything with me to make a lot more sense. I guess you can say it brings clarity to the mind whenever it feels like there’s nothing but chaos, confusion and overwhelm. Right now, I think i’ve reached the maximum level of discomfort just in my overall journey through mental health and growth, but a bigger part of me feels extremely excited because its almost reassuring that I’ve almost made it to the finish line. Even if not, at least a place filled with more peace and understanding than anything else.
“I’ve recently entered the stage in my life where I finally feel like I can be completely free and whole within myself, especially as a queer, masculine presenting black woman. I’ve also grown an even higher level of respect and appreciation for black women as a whole due to the simple fact that many of us hold a huge level of strength and perseverance that is unmatched and often unspoken. I wanted to create something not only for myself, but to help uplift and remind all black women that we are loved unconditionally regardless of experience and societal views, and to encourage the idea of continuing forward in all that we aim to do no matter what tries to interfere because we are classic examples of royalty and anything is a possibility. This video represents just that, two classic black women sharing special time together and uplifting one another in as many ways possible during a day in the city.”