this talk: is about navigating life in the ‘grey area’ of OCD - with Georgia Wickremeratne
My biggest challenge when it comes to my mental health is having OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It is a cycle of recurring thoughts and repetitive behaviours that feed into each other and make day to day living more challenging than it needs to be.
In my experience, OCD is generally not a common topic when discussing mental health. And if it is brought up, it is more often than not, spoken about in extremes. On one end of the spectrum you have sufferers obsessed with cleanliness, and on the other end sufferers are prone to harmful, violent behaviours. True. But what about everything in-between? What about the rest of us who aren’t as readily recognised? This preconceived notion of what OCD is adds to the suffering. It adds isolation. And shame.
I am very vocal about my mental health but there is only a handful of people that know that I struggle with OCD. And only three that know the ins and outs of my obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours.
When I started writing this article, I was using the word “anxiety” to describe my struggles. That is what I do “in real life” too. That is not what it is. So instead of adding fuel to the fire that is the stigma attached to OCD, I am going to transparent. I have been asked to write about my struggles with mental health so that is what I will do. I have OCD. And it is really shit.
I’m not going to go into all the details because I’ll be typing forever but here is a little insight into my personal struggle. My recurring thoughts revolve around perfection. Spoiler: there is no such thing. And my repetitive behaviours involve me “checking” my electronic devices.
I remember the catalyst for this cycle clearly. I was thirteen and very proud of the Nokia 3310 I had just gotten for my birthday. I sent my friend a message that caused me a lot of anxiety. I deleted the text and felt relief. Denial in one of its purest forms. If I can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. Fifteen years later this seemingly menial act has manifested itself into something that is a big part of my life. It is draining and can be incredibly time consuming. OCD is a distorted way of thinking. It is personal to the sufferer. To others it may seem “crazy”. It’s not.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is what has helped me drastically manage my OCD. It took a long time for me to get it right. Finding the right therapist is key. Once I did, it took me two years to get to a place where I understand my OCD enough to know how to tackle it in the right way. I’ll share an insight into my practice as it’s useful in general and not just in relation to OCD.
When my heart starts racing and I feel the need to start giving into my compulsions, I can do one of two things depending on what has triggered me. Since my OCD is born out of denial, I can take accountability. Have I done something that has made me anxious enough to deny it? Something I am embarrassed about? Own it. My other choice is, self compassion. A big part of my OCD revolves around wanting to “perfect”, which isn’t possible. I have to spend time rationalising that to my “OCD brain” and talk myself down from that proverbial ledge.
I understand and respect that you may not understand what I am talking about. I’m glad you don’t. “OCD brains” do not function normally. They are run on distorted thought patterns. My aim with this, is just to put it out there. To get a conversation going. And if you come across someone in your life that confides in you about something that is vaguely similar to this, listen.
You can find Georgia, co-founder of The Grief Safe Space on: